ALTHOUGH I thought I knew the life of a family carer, little did I know how hard it was until I was thrown into it by a disease called cancer.
My partner Noel had been sick for a while , was in and out of hospital and we had guessed he was gravely ill, but our lives were on hold until we got a diagnosis.
Pancreatic cancer, three to six months.
Such a short sentence bit with long ramifications.
We had thought about marriage because of Noel being ill, but we now knew it was something we really wanted. Denied a big wedding due to restrictions, we had a small wedding with just my son Jamie and Noel’s daughter Louise as witness, to such a poignant moment on the day I cried “I Do”.
Suddenly I was a wife and a carer, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, be both wife and carer. Sometimes I had to disconnect in order to be able to carry out my duties while watching someone I loved, someone I wanted to grow old with, waste away, in pain at times, suffering. As Noel slowly lost abilities, my life as a carer became 24/7, having to do simple things like roll his cigarettes, holding Noel while he cried , laughing with him at memories, sometimes being so exhausted that you just stand in the shower crying, denied respite due to Covid, only allowing a small bubble to help, which I will be eternally grateful for.
Covid decided to visit our home.The whole debacle of Noel being tested, me being denied a test until Noel was deemed positive, then having to leave our home, leaving Noel at home on his own terminally ill and with Covid, so I could drive to Ennis to be tested.
We beat Covid despite the odds, it did however take it’s toll, it stole our energy.
Restrictions got tougher denying Noel having some of his friends and family to come and say goodbye, to have that last chat, that last match, that last movie , that last time to say I love you.
We did get help from Milford , a nurse came in once a week until the last week, when a nurse would be in most nights. It now took two people to be with Noel 24/7.
While I do not regret keeping Noel at home and would do it all again if it meant I got to look into his eyes, I am so angry and frustrated that we were robbed of a big wedding, robbed of having everyone around in those final months; as a carer not even being considered in the vaccine rollout.
But the most cruel, saddest thing was having tenpeople at Noel’s funeral.
Because we have not been strong on testing and tracing, issues with vaccine roll out, people being able to fly in and out of our country , we had to tell some of Noel’s family that they could not attend his funeral. We will never get that time back, a big black hole sits in our lives and I never want to see anyone else have to go through that horrendous day again.
Donna McGettigan
Owen Ryan has been a journalist with the Clare Champion since 2007, having previously worked with a number of other publications in Limerick, Cork and Galway. His first book will be published in December 2024.