Lay me down to sleep

Ennis photogapher,  Louise Brooks is one of two co-ordinators in Ireland with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS).

Louise is responsible for recruiting and training the foundation’s photographers and digital retouch artists throughout the country and also carries out the sensitive assignments in Clare, Limerick and Galway.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a not-for-profit organisation set up in 2005 by US photographer and author, Sandy Puc. It offers bereaved, or soon to be bereaved, parents the gift of the services of a professional photographer to create lasting images of their baby.

When a family contacts the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation, they are offered the services of an affiliated professional photographer, who will go to their home or the hospital and conduct a sensitive portrait session. The photographs are considered an important step in a family’s healing process and the service is provided free of charge.

According to Brid Shine, a specialist bereavement midwife at the Coombe Hospital in Dublin, these pre-arranged photo sessions “are not just a nice thing to do, it is evidence-based practice. It highlights that people have an ongoing connection with the people they love.

“You will feel their presence rather than their absence and the symbolic memories we have are very important to support that.

“The parents do heal, they come from their grief, though the sadness of that loss never leaves them. We see parents who grow around that loss. The grief stays the same but we as human beings evolve and grow. It becomes a part of who we are,” Brid added.

As a professional photographer, Louise was aware of the term ‘remembrance photography’ and had also heard of Sandy Puc. As a young mother, Louise was also conscious of the difficulties that couples can face, particularly as her own mother, Mary and dad, Paschal, had suffered the loss of two full term babies.

“I was always amazed how my mother was able to carry on and this huge void was never really discussed. I suppose I became more acutely aware of her losses as I experienced difficulties in starting my own family.

“I am very blessed to be mum to two little girls, having had a series of miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. However, I had thought about mothers leaving a hospital with nothing and wondered what could be done for them. So I went to a workshop four years ago and having attended that, I then went on and signed up as a volunteer. It appealed to me greatly on many levels,” Louise added.

“Child-loss was a taboo subject and it was never comfortable for people to discuss but now we are creating this space and parents have a tangible memento of their baby. Other than that, what you have when you go home from the hospital is nothing really. You have your scans and that is it. It is often a difficult topic for friends and family to bring up. But now we are hearing that when they have these pictures that the conversation starts from there,” Louise said.

Now I Lay Me down to Sleep was officially launched in Ireland in January and featured on Ireland AM with the O’Brien family, Trish and Paraic, and Louise, who photographed their son Michael.

“That was my first assignment for NILMDTS and it started when Trish left a voicemail on my phone which said, ‘my name is Trish O’Brien, I want to speak to you about the birth and death of my son’. That was the message. I can tell you there was a lump in my throat when I went to ring her back because I really didn’t know what to say. But when I did ring her, I didn’t have to say too much because she talked me through her story. They were told after the 20-week scan that Michael had a number of problems and the term used was that he would be incompatible with life. After some research into their options should Michael be born alive or if he passed away, they came across the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organisation in the States, the couple then received my contact details from their hospital and called me.”

“If you ring now, we have a central number and our dispatcher will put you in touch with a photographer,” Louise explained.

“Trish would ring or text me every week and finally I got the call to go and went to Galway University Hospital where Paraic met me in the car park. Baby Michael was born an hour later. We took pictures of him at the hospital and then Trish asked me to go to their home in Mayo.

“So I drove after their car and on arriving at their home was baby Michael’s grandparents and extended family. I photographed baby Michael the same way as I would any other newborn, except these circumstances were so sad. There was great support from all the family and everybody wanted to meet Michael and embraced him warmly,” Louise recalled.

“Working with parents and their families in these sad circumstances is not easy for a photographer,” Louise noted, “but a huge positive is the people that you meet. I am really humbled to be allowed to share in these poignant moments and I have made great friendships since I started my work with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep”.

There are now two co-ordinators for NILMDTS in Ireland, Louise and Lisa Kennedy Byrne in Dublin.

“We recruit and train our members and work with other organisations in the area of bereavement. We work to raise awareness of our service and what it does – to provide the gift of remembrance photography. It is a non-profit organisation, so it is completely free of charge and we are affiliated to the organisation in the US and liaise with them weekly.

“In Ireland at the moment we have 22 photographers. That varies slightly from week to week as some people come off-call and we also have our dispatcher, our administrative staff who look after the paperwork, such as consent forms and look after the loggings and keep the records of our assignments. All our team are trained and fully insured and wear identification,” Louise explained.

“We are recruiting photographers and we also need digital retouch artists even more,” she added.
To volunteer with NILMDTS or for more information on the organisation in Ireland, go to www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/, go on facebook at www.facebook.com/nilmdtsireland, or the central phone number is 083 3774777.

Parents who experience the loss of a child might like to attend the annual Lights of Love Remembrance Service, which takes place on the first Sunday of December in Ennis Cathedral. All are welcome, including those who may have been bereaved many years ago but who may not have had the opportunity to acknowledge their loss in times passed.