Drawing strength from our cracks

FROM a friendship sparked at the gates of a local school, two mothers from different parts of the world have come together in a bid to help others through a partnership they have described as a “match made in heaven”.
Paula Sicard, who was born in Columbia and raised in Venezuela and Silvia T Millan from Spain first met at the school gates of Barefield National School through a mutual friend, discovering they had a shared love of psychology and counselling.
After dreaming about setting up their own therapy service for the past seven years, they have now made their vision a reality launching Kintsugi Wellbeing in Ennis.
Silvia, who spent more than 20 years working as cabin crew with Aer Lingus while indulging her passion for psychology and counselling through study, recalls when they first met at the school gates in 2017.
“I was finishing my diploma in Counselling Psychology at the time. When we met I said, ‘This seems like something I think is destiny, we’ll end up working together’,” she said.
Paula worked in Venezuela for over 20 years in multinational companies as Head of Human Resources and in her private practice as a psychologist.
She is a Clinical Psychologist with a Masters in Psychology for Childhood and Adolescence in Spain registered in the Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI) as a Graduate Member. She is currently doing a Masters in Bioneuromoción.
She and her family moved to Ireland nine years ago through her husband’s work in the IT sector.
She explains that although registered with the PSI she had to wait until she got her citizenship before setting up their own business, putting the dream of setting up a service in Clare on hold for a while.
“You cannot work as a self employed person because of the visa I had. The moment I had [a new visa], Silvia and I resumed our conversations and I was ready to go.”
Silvia studied Sociology and has a Diploma in Counselling Psychology.
She is a Transpersonal Therapist and has a Masters in Conscious Couples and Sexuality.
Remembering the fateful day when she and Paula decided to take the plunge and work together she says, “I had lost my job because of Covid and I had been studying and I knew this was what I wanted to do.
“One day I just said, I’m going to do it and I need to talk to Paula. At this stage I had no idea she was in the same boat. We went for a walk so I could talk to her, and I had so many butterflies in my stomach.”
“It was like she was going to propose to me,” laughs Paula.
Silvia continues, “I needed to tell her that I’m going to do this no matter what and if I don’t get it right and fail, I don’t care but I have to try it.
“Then she just turned around and said, ‘I’ve been thinking I need to do my own practice and I think we should do it together’. That was like the sky had opened up to me.
“Because she has so much experience and because of the person she is we’re a great balance for each other. This is called synchronicity. We’re a match made in heaven.”
Their therapy service has been named after the term Kintsugi which comes from the Japanese technique of repairing broken pottery with gold, silver or platinum.
Instead of hiding the cracks and imperfections in the pottery, Kintsugi highlights them and celebrates them as part of the object’s history and beauty.
According to Silvia, “In the space of our lifetime we will encounter many difficulties and hard times, but when you have worked on yourself and looked inwards, you start to take responsibility for your wellbeing and your actions, you learn to respond and not react to situations, and that starts the healing process.”
They work with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families. They also volunteer their time with Aware, the national mental health charity, as support and self-care facilitators for people experiencing depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and other mood related conditions. They both carry out therapy sessions in English and in Spanish.
While there are many different types of therapy methods nowadays, they explain their vision combines traditional psychology and counselling with holistic and humanistic approaches to therapy, personal development tools and neuroscience in addition to an extensive multicultural professional background.
Among the items inside their offices in Claureen House are a collection of Playmobil figures. However, both Paula and Silvia explain these aren’t just toys, but instead are an important tool in their work.
“We both use them during adult therapy sessions. They are an incredible tool to bring up the unconscious to a conscious understanding of a particular issue or problem that the client may have,” outlines Silvia.
Paula further explains, “It depends on each situation, but the dolls can be used to represent emotions, thoughts, the person themselves.
“It helps people to see their situation and find ways to realise patterns. We try to use therapy to get to the root of patterns we are repeating. We are all repeating patterns in our lives, and some of these can become dysfunctional and that is the reason we need help. Helping understand when these patterns started and how it is manifesting today in your life will help you change. And I believe we help people to change.”
Through her work with children and teenagers Paula is particularly concerned with the idea of ‘instant gratification’ through mobile phone use, social media and vapes.
The effect social media is having has become a “big problem” and she works with families on how to manage this.
“Social media is there and it is very good for some things, but we have to be cautious and set very firm boundaries, and sometimes it’s difficult for parents to do that.”
She continues, “Vapes are something new and it’s not regulated. We’re approaching new worlds with new rules, without structure and we don’t know how to navigate it and help our children.
“And they don’t have the tools to manage it themselves. I believe it’s helpful to give them some tools to navigate this very uncertain new world and adapt it to their own dynamics and their own objectives. With vapes, they are getting addicted very early. Addiction is there through the phones, the vapes. It’s instant gratification at a very, very young age. These are legal, but the addiction is there and it’s a big issue.”
Much of Silvia’s work is around couples and relationships, with dating apps another modern minefield.
“People are hiding behind them. There is a lot of lies and a lot of pretending,” she said.
Instant gratification is also something she sees here.
“You say to yourself, this person is not what I wanted, so I will get somebody else. It’s treating people like objects. There is a big thing I want to explore, it is ‘affective responsibility’. Which means being responsible to who you are talking to, to have respect to know that there is another person there. They are not just a profile, they are not just a picture. They are a person with feelings,” she said.
Speaking about their new adventure together, Paula says, “I am very happy, this is something I’ve always wanted to do.
“I’m really passionate about this, and I believe it is really fulfilling not only helping people, but also fulfilling our own curiosities. I love getting to know people, I love understanding why something is happening, and we became good at it because we both have different approaches. We are passionate and very curious about the human mind.”
While Silvia adds, “We learn so much from people as well. We do a lot of personal development work ourselves. The first people we look into is ourselves, we’re not just sitting here asking what is with our clients. I teach journaling and when I get up in the morning it’s the first thing I do, I put myself in the right mind for myself. We do the work, we practice what we preach and we are learning everyday.”