By Aneesha Abdalla, Coláiste Muire, Ennis.
Highly commended, junior Clare Champion Short Story Competition
HAVING two parents in your life is important. We need both a mother and a father figure. But sometimes things don’t turn out as you want them to be. Some people grow up with one. For me, it’s my mom. All my life I just wanted the feeling and relationship or bond with my father. Every time someone brings up their dad it just makes me feel sad because I have never known or had the chance to get close to my father.
Every Father’s Day I write a letter, which I wish I could send. I write about how I feel, my emotions and everything that I would ask him such as “Do you ever think about how I’m getting on?”, “Do you have another family?”, “Why did you leave?”. These questions are always on my mind. After I’m done writing the letter, I read it over and over again until I feel like I can feel and understand what I wrote. I would usually cry for a while afterwards and then rip my letter apart. I get through it by trying to convince myself that nothing will change, but there is this tiny bit of hope in me that knows that there will come a day where I’ll have to face him. I always imagine how it would be like to come home from school everyday and tell him how my day was at school. I want to have a laugh and talk about everything that is occurring in my life such as exams, tests, friends etc. I know this will not happen but, I guess its better than nothing, right?.
I’ve always wondered how someone can live knowing they have another child and not contacting them in any way. I understand that some things are for the better but it affected me in a way I can’t explain. The pain, emotions and tears I go through everyday hoping for that one thing. I really find it hard to cope with sometimes. I’m not always going to be the strong type of person who can get through anything. I have my breakdowns as well. Sometimes I just grab a big pillow and sit in a corner in my room and cry. I look at this as recharging myself for another week to come. By letting all my emotions and tears out, it helps me get through some things that I would find hard to get through, in situations where I need my dad. After I’m done I would take a deep breath and calm myself down. Still convincing myself that nothing will change, I really hope that one day if I do meet him, that I could tell him all I’ve been through, and tell him that getting through life, especially teenage years, without him was hard and difficult, and that every single time I cried I thought about how much I wanted him to be with me, cheering me up and making me feel better.
Every now and then I wonder how much my mother got affected. Everyday working hard, doing everything for my brother and I. There must be a time where she gets overwhelmed and can’t take it anymore. Sometimes when I bicker with my mom I feel like crying, as all girls would but afterwards I think about how she handles it all and how much stress I’m giving her.
She also grew up without a father figure and only a little bit of a mother figure. Her mother was always working while growing up so it was hard to cope with. I do look up to my mother and will also always appreciate her effort in raising me. My mom motivates me for everything I’m struggling with, especially school and activities. She also helps me make the right choices in life. Even though, at this point, I should be making my own decisions, it’s good to know that she knows the best thing for me.
I always think of how not having a father figure would effect my brother since he’s a boy. A boy is different in my opinion and that I think needs attention. A boy needs a father for advise and for motivation. I always wonder how not having a father figure will affect his future. My brother does well in school but, I wonder how he gets on mentally and emotionally. All my cousins have a father. Whenever we go to see the family during holidays I can see the expression in my brothers face. I know it’s hard for him sometimes, watching my cousins play with their father. The little things like playing football, games and just talking to his father would make him happy.
I know boys sometimes need to ask questions about things that would be awkward to talk about with their mothers. So instead of asking they would just ignore the situation, which I think is wrong. This I think is where the father figure comes in. Wouldn’t it be much better for boys to discuss their problems instead of keeping them in. I think that if my brother had a father figure in his life, he would be much more happier and would receive more motivation and advice. I also hope that one day he gets to have that relationship before it’s too late.
The word father or dad isn’t used much in my vocabulary just because I don’t have one. Everybody has a different way of coping with their problems but some people struggle and go through so much pain that they need help. So, if you have a father figure and a mother figure in your life you should be happy and if you don’t, like me, well I say never give up on looking for your other half because I’m not giving up either. Just having one figure in your life doesn’t mean you’re the odd one out. It just means you’re different.
More stories to follow
A native of Ennis, Colin McGann has been editor of The Clare Champion since August 2020. Former editor of The Clare People, he is a journalism and communications graduate of Dublin Institute of Technology.