Aimee Foley: ‘No sentence will ever be long enough’

Dan Danaher speaks with Aimee Foley who waived her right to anonymity following her father’s conviction and sentencing for raping and sexually abusing her

AN ENNISTYMON woman, who was sexually abused, raped and traumatised by her father for years, is seeking changes in the sentencing regime for people convicted of domestic violence, rape and serious sexual assault.

On December 13, Michael O’Donoghue (44) from Ennistymon was sentenced to five years for brutally raping and abusing his only daughter.

Setting a headline sentence of 12 years, Mr Justice David Keane reduced it to seven years, taking mitigating factors into account and then suspended the final two years.

O’Donoghue, with an address of Colmanstown, Ballinasloe, Co Galway, pleaded guilty to 31 counts of sexually assaulting Aimee Foley, one count of raping her and one count of producing child pornography.

In her comprehensive victim impact statement, she described her father as “a monster, a paedophile, an animal”.

The Director of Public Prosecutions has pledged to appeal the leniency of the sentence handed down by Justice Keane.

The Central Criminal Court heard O’Donoghue plied his daughter with alcohol and drugs before assaulting her when she was on access visits to his home.

On one occasion at a family wedding, when Aimee was aged 13, she was told by other family members to escort her intoxicated father to his hotel bedroom.

O’Donoghue pinned her to a wall and sexually assaulted her. This attack was witnessed by a member of his extended family who came to Aimee’s aid. When confronted by members of his family, O’Donoghue said he mistook Aimee for his wife.

O’Donoghue turned himself into gardaí before they had taken a formal statement from Aimee, telling them: “I’ll make it easy for you boys. I did it. I sexually assaulted my daughter, and I recorded it on my mobile phone.”

Aimee feels the five-year sentence is far too lenient in view of the horrific crimes that were committed against her.

“Rape or domestic violence is not an accident, it just doesn’t happen. A drug dealer gets a longer sentence than someone who pleads guilty to a sexual assault. Drugs are very bad, but people choose to take drugs. People don’t ask to be sexually assaulted or raped.”

“No sentence will ever be long enough because it is a life sentence for the survivor. But a long prison sentence is a better deterrent than a short one.

“My story is one of thousands. What about the people who haven’t spoken out? People shouldn’t be allowed to plead guilty to get a shorter prison sentence.”

While O’Donoghue’s guilty plea spared Aimee the ordeal of being questioned in a trial, she stressed, “I am being cross-examined every single hour, every single day, every single minute in my own head.

“Why does a defendant who pleads guilty receive a shorter sentence? How will this deter anyone from committing a sexual assault?

“I have gone to counselling but nothing has worked. I am not in counselling now. I will probably spend thousands when I decide to go back to counselling to try and have some kind of a better life.

“I can’t stay silent. I will always suffer from nightmares, sleep paralysis, panic attacks because of what was inflicted on me. I don’t want pity, I don’t want anyone to ever experience what I went through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

“Rape is a taboo subject. We don’t talk about it harshly enough. I was re-traumatised by giving an official statement, by going to places where I was abused to point out where it happened and relive these memories.

“I could see myself on the wall being pinned and groped. I could see the blood on my hands after I was raped in 2016. I can still see this blood on my hands. I will always have that.”

Speaking in the Seanad on Tuesday, Senator Martin Conway praised the courage Aimee had displayed by waiving her right to anonymity and speaking publicly about her experience on the Claire Byrne Live RTE Show on Monday night.

“I wish to talk about a strong courageous lady who appeared on the “Claire Byrne Live” show last night. Anyone involved in policymaking or in the legal system should be duty-bound to watch it to see Aimee Foley outlining the horrendous experience she had with her father, who is now in prison. I have known Aimee since she was a child.

“Like everybody else, I was totally unaware of what she was going through and the horrendous experience she was suffering regularly.

“She waived her right to anonymity and spoke openly about the value of victim impact statements, what they do for victims, the power they give them.

“She also spoke, however, about sentencing and how horrendously disappointed and outraged she was with the sentence in this case. It is now subject to an appeal by the Director of Public Prosecutions.

“As policymakers, however, we must reflect on what we must do to ensure that these types of situations do not happen in future.

“It is phenomenal what Aimee has done for the thousands of victims of domestic and sexual violence by waiving her anonymity. I salute her for her courage and bravery. We are all extremely proud of what she has done,” he stated.

Michael O’Donoghue (44) was born and raised in Ennistymon. Aimee’s mother Camille and Michael became estranged before Aimee was born.

When O’Donoghue applied to the courts for access to his daughter, there was, at the time, a lot of publicity about the need for fathers to have more access to their children.

Overnight access was granted to him every second weekend when Aimee was three years old. Camille claimed O’Donoghue was always very controlling and wanted to do things his own way.

As part of her bedtime routine, Aimee was used to her mother lying with her until she went to sleep with her special blankie while a night light was left on.

Despite explaining the importance of this routine, Camille recalled Aimee was very upset when she came home after the first overnight with her father as he refused to follow any of these suggestions.

When pressed on the issue, Camille said O’Donoghue replied ‘I do things my way in my house, you can do things your way in your house’.

“After that, we had to learn how to play the ‘game’ with him and try to make him feel as if he was right.”

In 2013, Camille cited another incident when she asked O’Donoghue to bring their daughter back to Ennis earlier than usual following an overnight with him to ensure she could attend a Clare’s Got Talent competition in Woodstock Hotel, Ennis.

Aimee claimed her father said she wasn’t going to get anywhere in the competition, that was his weekend for access and objected to bringing her back earlier.

“I will never forget that weekend. It was the first time I heard my mother roaring back at my father. After that, we decided to play the ‘game’. It was the only way we could bring peace to our lives.

Camille said O’Donoghue was “dominant and controlling”.

“After the Clare’s Got Talent incident, he didn’t speak to Aimee for a week. After this incident, all visitation arrangements were done through Aimee and he wouldn’t ring me beforehand,” Camille recalled.

Aimee says, “Relationships were affected with family members but thankfully they are stronger than ever now. I was so blinded by my father. He told me horrendous lies about my family and tried to isolate me.

“He did this to make me believe the only person who could understand me was him and the only person I could rely on was him.

“I still struggle with emotion like aggression and sadness because unfortunately in my mind both emotions are heavily connected with my father and I don’t want to feel anything like him.”

Though she was being abused, Aimee thought she was being treated as an adult and what was happening was normal in a loving father daughter relationship.

“I idolised my father. All I ever wanted in my life was a father and I never got one. I remember a lot of bad things with my dad during my childhood. The next thing is he wouldn’t insult me. I felt ‘oh my God, he really loves me and he finally accepts me’.

“When I used to come back home and watch a family member hugging my mother, I used to wonder why isn’t she being groped. Then I felt my father only sees me every second weekend, so it must be a form of love.”

“I didn’t understand the magnitude of what was happening during the abuse and don’t think I ever will.”

When Aimee first told her mother she was abused by her father on December 13, 2019, she begged her not to confront him as she was terrified of the fallout.

Despite strong requests from her mother not to visit him again, Aimee went back up to see him in Christmas 2019 out of fear because she had previously committed to doing so and didn’t want to give him any inkling she knew about the wrongdoing.

Aimee said her father sexually assaulted her for the last time in December 2019.

“I hadn’t decided to go to the gardai at that stage. It was genuine fear. I felt if I don’t go up to see him, he will know.

“His abuse started what ended up in court and my actions ended it. This wasn’t a man who was going to get caught eventually. This is a man who always has a plan. If I didn’t bring him to court, he wouldn’t be in prison. I had to put him in prison because of what he did to me.

“He is a complete mastermind at manipulation and control. He is the most vindictive evil man.

“I did nothing but idolise him, craving that love and affection. He even told me he hated my name on multiple occasions because he never got to pick it.”

She still wonders why the abuse started and why she “wasn’t enough for him”.

“I will always have these questions no matter what therapy I receive. It was a case of what happened at dad’s house stayed in dad’s house. This meant we could have our music nights when there was copious amounts of alcohol and drugs abused.”

“People asked me how did I cope? I didn’t have to cope in my own head because this was my ‘normal’. I was made believe this was ok.

“It was only when I saw one of my friends who didn’t see her father very often that I realised this wasn’t normal.

“I didn’t know it was abuse. Every time he hit me it was a ‘joke’ or we were shadow boxing. Why was I getting a dead arm every time he left the room?

“Looking back I can see it was abuse, but sitting in the middle of it, he had an answer for everything. If he said it was a joke, I felt there was no point in questioning it.

“The worst words you can think of can’t describe what happened to me. There are no words in the dictionary that will ever describe the horrors of what I was put through. It was my normal for so long.”

Her first memory of sexual abuse by her father was when she was 12 – the first night he introduced her to cannabis and alcohol.

She claimed it continued until she was 18 and the last sexual assault took place in December 2019.

She claimed when O’Donoghue was first confronted by a family member on his birthday about the abuse, he denied everything and stated she was lying, was a drug addict, alcoholic and had mental health issues.

In February 2020, Aimee went to the gardai, but before a formal statement could be taken from her, her father handed himself to a garda station in Galway City.

She said her father sent a text on February 9 seeking contact, but didn’t hand himself in to gardai until February 16.

Aimee claimed her father tried to contact her a few times during this period to try and lull her into a false sense of security and contact him.

Aimee (20) grew up in Ennistymon and has spent most of her life there, attending Scoil Mainchín and Scoil Mhuire.

Music has always played a central role in Aimee’s life from a young age to the present day.

Having received professional training from the Royal Academy of Music, she scooped a high achiever award in Musical Theatre and Popular Music, which is only given to about 250 to 300 people a year.

She has completed all her grades with the Royal Academy of Music following vocal singing training and has just three grades to complete to be fully qualified in piano.

“My mother and grandfather love music and this was something I bonded with my father as well. I got a lot of my musical taste from him. It was one of the only things I felt we ever truly bonded on.

“I stopped sport because of injury and my father’s condescending attitude telling me I was too fat or I wouldn’t be good enough to be successful.”

As the years went on, Aimee said her father wasn’t supportive of her singing or music career, saying she “wasn’t one in a million”.

With the help of her mother, Camille and other family members, Aimee is a singer songwriter who also performs cover versions at weddings and other events.

“It is great to see my music is reaching people. People who are three years older and younger than me who attended the same school keep telling me ‘I can still hear you singing’.”

Eager to study music therapy in college to help people with dementia, Aimee says that this wasn’t something her father supported.

Sport was something she thoroughly enjoyed during her teenage years, playing basketball with Clare Cascaders in Ennistymon and Gaelic football with Liscannor.

Aimee has thanked people for all the “amazing” messages of support she has received since she took the courageous decision to waive her anonymity during the trial.

As Aimee continues on her road to recovery, she hopes to provide some hope and comfort to anyone who has experienced any form of physical, sexual or emotional abuse.