On the couch

Werewolves are cool. The eternal enemies of vampires and inspiration for Sonic the Hedgehog’s haircut, tales of half-man, half-wolf beasties that go howling mad come the full moon have littered popular literature for years to magnificent effect.
Unfortunately though, they have a less than chequered history when it comes to being represented on film. Sure, Neil Marshall’s Dog Soldier’s was pretty cool and they served their dramatic purpose in the Underworld series – Michael Sheen doing a particularly good job of acting all lupine and lairy – but when the hairy critters are the focus of the flick, instead of the vicious, infrequently seen “monsters”, things seems to go slightly askew.
It happened in Wolf with Jack Nicholson and it’s happened here in The Wolfman, Joe Johnston’s remake of the classic 40s monster movie of the same name that starred the celebrated Lon Chaney.
Taking up the snarling and hairy-forehead-having duties this time around is Benicio Del Toro who stars as Lawrence Talbot, celebrated actor and estranged son of Sir John Talbot (Anthony Hopkins), who has returned to the family estate at the behest of his brother’s fiancé on account of her betrothed having upped and disappeared.
Unsurprisingly the brother turns up dead and rumours run rife in the village that some fell beast stalks the land. Angry locals, pitchforks and a burgeoning relationship between Lawrence and the recently bereaved Gwen (Blunt) ensue before the real meat of the story takes off involving a family curse and some howling.
If this all sounds awfully clichéd, it’s because it is. It wasn’t the first time the flick was made but that was in 1943 and, since then, most of its elements have been pilfered and reused in other films.
While some films can redeem a drab story with brilliant performances or stunning special effects, neither are present here. Sure all the main players show up and do the job perfectly well but there’s absolutely nothing of interest on show.
Oh and the werewolf makeup makes the actors look more like fat Oliver Reed impersonators wrestling with a bush than terrifying half-breeds.
There’s something incredibly enjoyable about 44 Inch Chest, Malcolm Venville’s geezer revenge psycho drama.
If all the film was, was its first 25 minutes followed by several episodes of the Smurfs dubbed badly into Hungarian, it would still be absolutely worth renting.
Starring some of the cream of British cinema at the moment – Ray Winstone, Tom Wilkinson, a resurgent Ian McShane, John Hurt and Stephen Dillane – the story concerns the lads’ response to the news that Colin Diamond’s (Winstone) wife, Liz, has left him for another man. A younger man. A French  man.
Doing what any reasonable group of dodgy geezers would in such a situation, the young man is kidnapped and locked in a wardrobe as the group gathers to consider his fate over the course of an evening packed with booze, hallucinations, squabbling and the sort of inspired profanity that only comes from old men who’ve had a lifetime to think up such things.
The group range in character from John Hurt’s bitter, bible-quoting Pop to Tom Wilkinson’s mummy’s boy, Archie and Ian McShane’s reptilian, charming lover of men, Meridith.
At the centre of all is the bullish Colin – a family man and proud of it. his wife’s announcment of infidelity after 25 years lays waste to his mental health and he takes a swan dive off the normality pier and goes swimming in the deep, murky waters of booze and rage fueled madness.
It’s stirring stuff, made all the more impressive that it is a particularly un-cinematic movie looking more like a well-shot play than a film. The story itself is basic, merely a means for a brilliantly written script to be conveyed and as gratifying as that is, it is also the film’s downfall. Not a whole lot happens. While similar in style to Sexy Beast, very little happens in 44 Inch Chest, versus the heist antics of the former.
It’s a shame because as enjoyable as it is to see the actors interact – and it is absolutely brilliant, somethimes hilarious, sometimes terrifying – there is very little else to the story than what goes on in one room over the course of an evening.
That said it’s a small complaint to have for a very satisying movie. Just don’t be surprised if you’re swearing a WHOLE lot more by the end of it.