Stop! Hammer time

This week, John Keogh reviews Thor

Thor
DIRECTED BY: Kenneth Branagh
STARRING: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Kat Dennings
CERT: 12A
So it’s summer and that terrible sound you hear is blockbuster season rolling into town. God help us all.
First off the wagon is Thor, the latest ambassador for Marvel’s money machine, joining fellow comic book heroes like Iron Man and Hulk as advance men for next year’s great big Avengers beano. Which I’m sure is all very exciting and has nothing whatsoever to do with my strong urge to yawn.
I find I’m doing that a lot these times, yawning my head off in the cinema. If not that, then I’m gesticulating wildly with agitation, groaning loudly in disgust or launching my popcorn at the screen with a kick. In a small way, perhaps, this must be what it’s like to be Arsene Wenger, losing his mind there on the sideline as, once again, The Gunners decide they’d rather not win after all. So much potential, so much waste.
In fairness, Thor is not even that bad. It’s just not anything special. Just another big event movie that cost a bazillion dollars but, in the end, is nothing to jump up and down about. Even in a Wenger-style fit.
To kick off, a big blond hulk of a chap lands out of the sky in New Mexico. You don’t see that every day. And now for a little back story. Actually, a lot of it – far, far away in the heavenly realm of Asgard.
Thor (Hemsworth) is the god of thunder, in line for the throne when his father Odin (Hopkins) goes his merry way. But Thor’s brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), is a sneaky one, and he gets the big guy in trouble for stirring up a mess with their old foe, the Frost Giants (They’re grrrrreat!). Daddy is not happy and he banishes Thor to Earth, relieving him of his powers to see if that will put manners on him. Give or take a few hundred years and a thousand details, that’s about the size of it.
Back to New Mexico, where the fallen god crash-lands just in time to get hit by a truck being driven by scientist Jane Foster (Portman). She quickly takes a shine to this strange man with his strange talk and big muscles, all the more easily visible when he ditches the shirt. It’s hot in New Mexico, apparently.
Along with Jane, her (God help us again) quirky friend Darcy (Dennings) and boss, Erik the Scandinavian (Stellan Skarsgard), Thor embarks on his fish-out-of-water tour and gets into a few funny scrapes.
But you know they’re not laughing on Asgard, where everyone talks in Shakespearean tones, and the lovely Renee Russo (remember her?) is playing a woman called Frigga and wondering if this is what happens to all careers. Loki, meanwhile, has devious eyes on the throne.
If you can get past shrugging your shoulders at it all, this is entertaining enough stuff. Kenneth Branagh might have seemed a strange choice to direct a Marvel movie, but he’s done a decent job, most notably in bringing the best out of the cast in the Asgard scenes – which might have taken place on the biggest theatre stage in the universe. Hemsworth, Hiddleston and Hopkins knock sparks off each other at times.
Branagh also knows not to take it all too seriously and he doesn’t mind having a laugh at the story’s own expense.
In the leading role, Hemsworth establishes himself as a fine new A-list hero, at home with both the comedy and the action – and there’s plenty of that. The film looks great, too, but as is often the case, the 3D brings nothing worthwhile to the party. You can save yourself a few bob there.
This being an Avengers ad, there’s the obligatory nod to fellow superheroes – a cameo by Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, and a post-credits appearance by an individual who is no stranger to such things. So tie me down quick before I burst with joy.
Next out of the stable is Captain America, planting his flag on a lawn near you in July.
Fascinating, I’m sure.