TWO people who lost a family member through suicide participated in a long-distance swim in East Clare recently to raise public awareness for prevention measures and help those suffering severe emotional distress.
In 1993, Shane Millar was only six years old when his mother died by suicide at the age of 27.
Mary and Pat White, Lifford, Road, Ennis were devastated when they lost their son – Clare footballer, Niall White (22) on May 30, 2011.
Having shared a similar experience, Mr Millar and Mary White were part of a group that completed a suicide prevention fundraising swim.
Starting at Caher, the participants navigated their way through Lough O’Grady to the Scariff River to Lough Derg, exiting at Reddan’s Quay.
They had to walk in some sections of the river where the water was too shallow to swim and also had to climb over tree trunks, branches, and rocks.
More than €2,000 was raised for the Samaritans and towards the construction of a roundhouse to cover the Fire of Hope that is burning around the clock thanks to Seán Kilkenny, who also runs an equine therapy centre for young people in Tuamgraney.
Samaritans Director, Pat White recalled one of the organisers Shane Millar struck a chord when he spoke on Facebook Live at the first bridge during the swim.
“Shane made a lovely comment. He said, ‘I miss my mammy and nobody should be missing their mum, dad, brother or sister, son or daughter’, which is so true,” said Mr White.
“For Shane to have that courage to publicly say that on Facebook while he was doing this event was admirable. That takes great heart and courage. How many people will do that?
“Many families are bereaved through suicide or a car accident. The ripple effect of a tragic death is massive. But many of us haven’t the courage of Shane to say publicly what he is feeling.”
Mr White also praised Mr Kilkenny’s equine therapy and Fire of Hope, which facilitates people to reflect around a warm fire throughout the day.
Mr Millar (37), who is now living in Flagmount, said Lough Graney is supposed to have got its name from Gráinne, the first person to die by suicide in Ireland.
“There was a lot of mythology that I felt connected to. My own mother, Marie Miller died by suicide in the River Fergus. She was reared in Quin,” he said.
“I was swimming in the lake about six weeks ago and I just felt the calling to make the same journey as Gráinne. I got about three quarters of the way, I was freezing, I got hypothermia and my legs were in bits and I couldn’t go any further.
“However, I did get a lot of insight during that journey and I wanted to do it again with support to raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention.”
After networking in East Clare, he got a group of swimmers to go down the river on September 21. Having experienced addiction problems in his late teens, Mr Millar, admitted the tragic death of his mother affected him in a “massive way”.
“The healing process is continuous. This swim was part of this healing process for me. Losing my mother when was I was so young affected me psychologically,” he said.
“There was a great sense of fulfilment and hope after completing the swim. People are still dying by suicide. It is still taboo in Ireland. People can’t talk about their feelings.
“I am trying to get the message out there, if people do feel suicidal, there is support to help them. We need to heal ourselves and our communities and not always look to the government to solve our problems.
“We need to re-learn how to become human beings. I don’t have all the answers but I have a heart.”
Niall White was a dual star with St Joseph’s Doora-Barefield GAA club.
He was a member of the Clare senior football panel for three seasons and represented the Banner in the McGrath Cup final against Kerry in January 2011 and in the National Football League.
His mother, Mary, recalled he was a very spontaneous person.
“He was with his friends the night before. He had a lot of friends, they still come down and we see them. A lot of his friends had emigrated. He probably felt very alone,” she said.
“I connected with Shane because I see the pain our daughter, Ciara has gone through. It was like I could help and do a little bit for Shane. Ciara is now living in Canada”.
Open water swimming has proven to be a kind of refuge for Ms White who takes the plunge in Ballyallia Lake every morning with her friend Deirdre Finn and a French man.
“You don’t want anyone to be lost in that way and lose somebody that way,” she said.
“When we meet people who have gone through this trauma and understand it, you almost feel a connection that is beyond words. You know you can help others. You can feel it.
“I felt very positive doing this swim. Shane and Seán Kilkenny have a massive positive energy and I know they believe in what they are doing. I found it was very fulfilling and it really helped me.
“Shane and Jack kept us going, they were both inspirational. I heard of Shane through Facebook but I didn’t know him. We feel very connected with Shane because we lost our son.
“Water has been a massive healing power for us. When I heard what Shane was doing, I connected with him straight away. I swim with the Ballyallia ladies. We could have kept going on further because of Shane, Jack and Sean Kilkenny.
“It was a massive healing process as well. I would do it again tomorrow morning. I genuinely mean that.”
Mr Millar interjected to point out the water was “freezing at times”.
Having shared a similar experience, Mr Millar and Mary White were part of a group that completed a suicide prevention fundraising swim. They were joined by swimmers – Jack Pinson, Marc Frisby, Liam Kilkenny, Jack Minogue and Maire Bradwell. The back up support team included Sonia McGuirk, Séan Kilkenny, Angela Nihil, Felice Rae, Rebecca Williams, Jen Maynard, Sinéad Sheehan, Cormac Griffiths, Geoff Brennan, Ollie Murray, Paul Adriaanse and Ranata Adriaanse.
Jack Pinson, Flagmount, (39) estimates the group were almost 11 hours in the water, with an hour’s lunch break.
Having gone on a kayak down the river, Mr Pinson outlined he was delighted to take part in this initiative as he appreciates the importance of suicide prevention.
In 2007, while he was out at sea on a bridge of a ship for a naval shipping company he experienced some suicidal thoughts.
Working on a four-month stint at sea, there were very few opportunities for proper social interaction.
“I managed not to do that and that was a deliberate attempt not to do it. To get to that point and not take the action required, I was lucky that something stopped me doing it,” he said.
“I have done a lot of things including rearing children since, which is progression. While you are negotiating humps on the river bed and logs, it gave me lots of time to think.
“People go through low spots, some have the mental fortitude to brush it off, some sit in for longer and some don’t make it out of it. That is the tragic part of it.”
Recruitment for new volunteers is continuing. Further information is available from ennis.branchrecruitment@samaritans.org , phone or text 085 1763491.
Pat White, Director of Samaritans in Ennis, has been involved in this organisation for ten years.
“Listening to calls is a humbling experience. There is training on how to listen, empathise and support the caller,” he said.
“We know that talking does help. A person can start a phone call quite cross and angry but if they can be heard there is a difference between the end and the beginning of the call.
“I was quite nervous starting off taking calls. It took me about a year because it was touch and go whether I would stay doing it or not.
“It provides great experience for personal development. Most Samaritan volunteers would say you get back more than you are giving.
“If Niall rang the Samaritans that night, he might still be here. At the time, that was how he was feeling. Did he know the Samaritans existed?, he may not have.”
By January 2025, the Ennis branch hopes to resume its face-to-face calls service, following the introduction of Covid-19 restrictions throughout this Ireland and United Kingdom organisation.
On average, the Ennis branch deals with 17,000 calls out of the nationwide 500,000 annually.
Loneliness, relationships, mental health issues and a short term crisis are some of the most common topics that callers seek a listening ear for assistance.
“Family and friends may not always be the best people to interact with because of the old phrase – familiarity breeds contempt,” he said.
The nice thing about the Samaritans is you are talking to someone who is completely neutral and it is anonymous and non-judgemental.
“There is no money involved so it is one human being talking to another with a certain amount of training. There will be repeat callers but we don’t encourage dependency. The purpose of the Samaritans is to get a person through a crisis and signpost them on to professional help whether it is a GP or a counsellor depending on the trauma they are dealing with,” Mr White added.
Acknowledging the Samaritans is a reactionary service, Mr White believes this swim is a vital suicide prevention initiative as some people have lost connection with nature.
“Many young people today live in a virtual world on social media. To walk a few hundred metres in a river is quite difficult. The value of it is priceless. When Mary started going to the lake every day the health benefits were amazing,” he said.
“We did the Christmas Day Swim in Lahinch and the feeling afterwards is amazing. I can’t do it on a consistent basis so I admire all those who do it,” he said.
Donations can be made to the “Water is Life, Fire is Hope” Idonate page.
Anyone who has been affected by this article can contact the Samaritans freephone number on 116 123 or Pieta House on 1800 247 247.
East Clare correspondent, Dan Danaher is a journalism graduate of Rathmines and UL. He has won numerous awards for special investigations on health, justice, environment, and reports on news, agriculture, disability, mental health and community.