‘You know’ scale explained to councillors

COUNCILLOR PJ Kelly has been lending his ear to people’s conversations of late. Such has been the intent with which the Lissycasey councillor has been listening, he has come up with an invention.

 

Speaking at Monday’s Kilrush Electoral Area meeting, following Councillor Bill Chambers’ selection as committee chairman, Councillor Kelly went into detail about his invention.

“I note that you intend to have a business approach for the coming year, which means we’re going to do an awful lot more walking and less and less talking,” Councillor Kelly said.

He was just warming up. “There is a danger that we do too much talking. We may end up in the company of certain members of the Oireachtas, from coast to coast, who are now clocking up from eight to 12 on the ‘you know’ scale.

“It’s normally six to seven in the business part of the year but when the silly season comes in, they clock from eight to 12. I would hate to end up on that level of scale with them and I know you will ensure that we won’t,” Councillor Kelly said to Councillor Chambers, while their four Kilrush Electoral Area councillors listened in befuddled silence.

Eventually, Councillor Gabriel Keating found his tongue and sought an answer to the question vexing everybody at the meeting.

“I’d like to ask Councillor Kelly, what scale is he talking about?” Councillor Keating queried.
Temporarily quietened himself, Councillor Kelly then detailed what was going on in his head.

“The ‘you know’ scale is a scale that measures the amount of times a person says ‘you know’ in 60 seconds when they are addressing a group or on radio. For example, ‘the situation is, you know, that Councillor Chambers was elected unanimously here, you know, today’. So you actually clock up the number of ‘you knows’ mentioned in a 60-second period.

“Members of the Oireachtas are really way out in front. We’ve done some private monitoring,” Councillor Kelly said before Councillor Chambers intervened and attempted to return to the meeting’s agenda.