The Cape swoops in with a dud

TV REVIEW

WITH Tom Welling’s Superman on the way out in Smallville, the box in the corner of the room was primed for a new hero to make an entrance. On first impressions, The Cape is not what it was waiting for.
NBC’s comic book-like attempt (ahem) flew onto satellite channel Syfy’s schedule last Thursday but could have done with staying in the bat cave. While other superhero efforts are mainly based on actual comics, aside from NBC’s other attempt at this kind of caper Heroes, The Cape has no original storyline or rules to stick to and so, should have been open season for something slick and new.
Instead, what we get is a mix-mash of plotlines from various superhero tales, borrowing especially heavily from Batman, even down to ripping off Tim Burton’s movie theatrics, complete with circus misfits who happen to be bank robbers. These lot were actually the only ones not trying to take themselves seriously.
Which is the main problem here; the actors are just taking themselves way too seriously when they should have been having way more fun with the camp scripting.
With chapter names and different villains to fight, it’s filmed in comic book format but with none of the catchy graphics or the odd pow/wham/zonk exclamation to save it in any way.
Set in Palm City (Los Angeles’ version of Gotham) Vince Faraday (David Lyons) is one of the only good cops left in a police force weighed down by corruption (cough James Gordon). It doesn’t stop him from quality time with Faraday junior however as he reads him The Cape, his son’s favourite superhero book.
The tranquillity is shattered by crazed maniac Chess who likes donning a mask and gassing people in high places, ultimately making private law enforcement company ARK look like a well-meaning bunch. Meanwhile, online watcher Orwell (cough Dark Angel, Batgirl) is wise to the fact that ARK is not quite the harbinger of peace and sets our hero on a date with destiny – or rather being framed for a crime he did not commit and sets about trying to right injustice. (The A Team? Does anyone care. Is there anybody even reading this anymore?)
Feats of illusion and ninja antics that would take the best of us years or even decades to learn, our hero manages to master in a zippy two-minute montage and swipes his son’s favourite hero name to boot to become The Cape.
The concept is lazy and seriously lacking in any originality, the script is laughable and when Vinnie Jones turned up as baddie ‘Scales’ the hysterics went into overdrive. If only everyone else was trying to ham their lines as well. One slightly save point is James Frain’s appearances, fresh from his other attempt at playing crazy as lunatic Franklin in True Blood.
Summer Glau is also for some reason involved with this cheese-dripping mess as Orwell and for some, as a yet unexplained, reason is ridiculously minted with sports cars and crime fighting gadgets coming out her ears. I just don’t have the patience to stick around to find out why.
While Grace Woodward is all sweetness and light in her other TV attempt at being a noted stylist in Sky Living’s Chick Fix, she is a right old battleaxe on Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model, having firmly installed herself in the role of resident panel meanie.
BINTM is now at the business end of the show having whittled the thousands down to just 13 to enter the model house. It was supposed to be 12 but, bless her, Elle Macpherson just couldn’t let one go and overshot the runway with contestants, meaning one gets to sleep on a couch, hoping she survives the first elimination to nab a bed.
This is the more interesting part of BINTM when all the well-wishing is over between the contestants as the claws come out and the backstabbing begins. It helps that the producers are normally encouraging the bitchiness to boost ratings. And in an added bonus this time round there is actually Irish interest, in that two lassies have made it through to the final bunch. Watch it Sky Living on Mondays at 9pm.
By the way, Chick Fix, in case anyone is interested, allegedly empowers women by sending them on a retreat to talk about their feelings. I got through half an hour of it but fearing an episode of scratching my eyes out I left it at that. Perhaps that is just my cynical self however.
Among these ‘problems’ were ‘do I ditch my cougar lifestyle’ or how to deal with a cheating partner (I would have said kick him out but that wouldn’t have given anyone an hour’s show). Then there’s the jilted bride, a lonely heart and a bored housewife (ever heard of hobbies?). To think there’s another six weeks of this!
New this week is Discovery Channel’s Man, Woman, Wild. First we had Bear Grylls and Ray Mears, now add former Green Beret Mykel Hawke to the mix. People generally love these kind of survivalist shows but this one comes with a twist in that Myke, as he likes to be known, has thrown his wife Ruth England over his shoulder and carried her off into the wild and spent most of the first episode snorting and throwing his eyes to heaven at her girliness.