Out with the old and in with the, ahem, older

AFTER the lull of the summer months, the drama has picked up with increasing speed on the small screen, so much so that it’s nearly impossible to keep up with all the new arrivals.
Top of the list has to be the Lazarus return of Dallas. Back in the day it was almost as important as attending mass. The country religiously tuned in each week to find out how the Ewings would find new and interesting ways to torture each other or, on rare occasions, team up to inflict equal damage on rival Cliff Barnes. They were a central point of popular culture, posing monumental questions like ‘Who shot JR?’
The trio of JR, Bobby and Sue Ellen were the cornerstones of the previous effort but to make the new version less geriatric and more acceptable to the plethora of youngsters who are new to the Dallas phenomena, much of the action this time round focuses on the rivalry between cousins John Ross (Josh Henderson), the son of JR and ex-wife Sue Ellen, and Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe), the adopted son of Bobby and the as yet unexplained missing Pam.
One of the most preposterous askings in suspension of disbelief in TV history is the idea that Christopher and John Ross are sons rather than grandsons of JR and Bobby, such is the age gap. The ridiculous maths aside though, Dallas was never a series overly concerned with offering sense instead of the sensational, which is how in order to rewrite a briefly departed Patrick Duffy back into the show, an entire season could be declared to have been a dream in the mid-1980s. He was, in fact, just trying to enter the Guinness World Record Book for the longest shower.
It never batted an eyelid over wooden acting or hammy dialogue either and in that sense, the new Dallas is the same as the old Dallas. John Ross and Christopher come across as whining brats and the girls aren’t much better. Jordana Brewster as Elena, Christopher’s former fiancee and current girlfriend of John Ross, looks like she could do with a sandwich and stop munching on wasps, while Julie Gonzalo as Rebecca, Christopher’s current fiancee, is, so far, little more than a wallflower. No doubt the love quadrangle of John Ross-Elena-Christopher–(Rebecca) will become central to furthering the plot but as it stands after two episodes, I just don’t care what happens to the young cubs.
Then, as now, it is Hagman’s show. Twenty-one years on, JR Ewing has lost none of his bite and to say the new series could not survive without his presence only serves to show another way in which the new Dallas is very much like the old.
At 80, Hagman looks a little shook but he still sparkles as the scheming JR, the force of nature who always wants to win no matter the cost. When he informed Bobby’s gun-toting wife Ann (Brenda Strong) that “Bullets don’t seem to have much effect on me, darlin”, I almost clapped in glee. JR is truly back, let’s see if he can avoid getting shot this time round. Watch it TV3 Monday at 10pm.
Taking a political hop across the Irish Sea, The Thick Of It returned to BBC2 on Saturday. Following the current state of play in British politics, the opposition from the last series is now in power. So Peter Mannion (the rather brilliant Roger Allam) is the new minister at the DoSAC, flanked by (inept) advisers Phil and Emma. This is a coalition however, so Mannion is partnered by junior minister Fergus from the lesser party, dubbed The Inbetweeners and his adviser Adam.
Satire at its best, the honeymoon is over between the boys at the big table and though they are still trying to convince the public that mummy and daddy are still getting on, there is mistrust and back-stabbing galore going on behind closed doors. Just like reality then!
Armando Iannucci’s comically acerbic effort has been off the screens for a while and I wonder if that is the reason, along with all the other pies he has cooking Stateside, that I just didn’t find the opening episode as funny as previous series. With Malcom in opposition, even the insults and swearing seemed less imaginative. Maybe there was just too much expectation.
Still, the one-liners are to be savoured like when Mannion tells his wife on the phone, “Sorry darling, I have to go. I think the bailiffs are coming to take away my will to live”, or Phil rants to Fergus and Adam, “You’re basically a couple of homeless guys we invited to Christmas dinner. Don’t bitch if we don’t let you carve the turkey.”  Maybe there is hope yet!
Ones to watch: The anguish of waiting to see if Mary and Matthew walk down aisle is nearly over as Downton Abbey returns to our screens this weekend. I’m hoping for a return to the form of season one rather than the utter silliness that season two descended into. When we last saw the Crawleys and their vast estate, it was New Year 1920 and Matthew had got down on one knee to finally end the will-they-won’t-they-I-don’t-care-anymore scenario he had going with Mary. There will more than likely be a spanner in the works however but luckily Dame Maggie Smith is to be joined by Shirley MacLaine in what will no doubt be a war of epic one-liners. See it this Sunday on ITV or next Wednesday on TV3.
Also starting this week is a fairytale with a difference. Once Upon A Time Watch begins on RTÉ 1 on Saturday at the unusual time of 4.30pm. I’ve already seen this series when it aired on Channel 5 earlier this year and series two is due to being in the US next month. The premise is daft – the fairytale characters of Snow White, Prince Charming, Sleeping Beauty and company have been transported to the real world town of Storybrook with no memories of their former lives, save the Evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin, who are responsible for putting them there.
If you leave the fantasy aspect aside though, this is just a good old fashioned tale of love trying to conquer all and the real world stories are far better than their fairytale counterparts. Silly but strangely addictive like this summer’s equally silly Revenge. If all else fails, younger viewers may love it.