On the couch

The Rite **
Directed by: Mikael Håfström
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Colin O’Donoghue, Alice Braga, Toby Jones
Decaff coffee always baffled and fascinated me. It’s stupid I know, but I find the idea of drinking coffee and not getting to twitch and grind my teeth excessively for a few hours afterward to be high up on a list of life crimes that includes going to the cinema and not getting popcorn. The process that removes that essential ingredient is, I’m sure, a drawn out and complicated chemical affair.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that scienticians have discovered how to remove other essential qualities from things. Take The Rite for example – proof that all trace of “thrill” can be removed from even the most solid-seeming thriller.
Apparently based on a true story, The Rite is a well-worn tale of exorcism that stars Colin O’Donoghue as trainee priest of uncertain faith, Michael Kovak and Anthony Hopkins as a renowned Welsh exorcist Fr Lucas, who takes the skeptical youngster under his wing to train him in the arts of demon-busting.
After deciding that life in the family business of undertaking is just too unpalatable a choice to make, Michael does what any poorly adjusted and already slightly psychologically scarred young man would do and joins the priesthood. Four years and $100,000 of book-learning later he’s chock full of secular knowledge but somewhat lacking in a belief in the big man.
Rather than accept his resignation from the seminary, his student advisor (Toby Jones in an all too brief role) packs him off to Rome to do a course in exorcism instead. Armed with his sneering belief that anyone claiming to be possessed is just a bit potty and in need of a cup of tea and a quiet place to sit down (and a big bucket of largactyl), after crossing wits with his teachers in the libraries of the Vatican, Michael gets sent to see Fr Lucas to learn from a priest on the frontline of God’s battleground.
As you’d imagine the pair go on to battle the minions of Satan over a whopping two and a half cases before the film comes to an abrupt halt without ever really rising to anything beyond a good scene when Hopkins frightens the bejesus out of O’Donoghue and co-star Alice Braga.
How director Mikael Håfström managed to suck all the thrill out of what should be a reasonably creepy flick is beyond me. All the usual tropes are there: hoards of cats and bugs; sweet-looking girl who does the possession fandango and speaks with a weird, deep voice; that shot where someone appears abruptly in the mirror and then disappears and, for extra creepy cred there’s even some flashback scenes with Rutger Hauer as Michael’s dad making him help dress his mother’s corpse.
Despite all this, a scenery-chewing performance from Hopkins and a solid showing from O’Donaghue, The Rite never manages to be anything more thrilling than a warm ham sandwich with some store-bought pickle. While it strives for realism and accuracy it forgets that what the audience really, really wants out of a good possession movie is to be scared.
Watch The Last Exorcism instead.

Morning Glory ****
Directed by: Roger Michell
Starring: Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, Diane Keaton, Jeff Goldblum
From a cold cup of dethrillinated slop to a warm, sweet cup of tea served to you by your hilarious aunt Carmel in the form of Morning Glory.
Morning Glory is nice film. There’s no two ways about it – the story is likable, the cast are respected, talented and in form and the script is amusing but not bawdy and therefore appropriate(ish) for showing to kids or grandparents. All in all, it’s nice.
TV producer Becky (Rachel McAdams) gets a job in New York on the worst morning show going. She has to wrangle high strung presenters – one batty (Diane Keaton), the other a once great newsman pressed into service in a format he has nothing but contempt for (Harrison Ford) – and a crew of losers, slack-jaws and odd-bods in an effort to get eyes on the show and save it from the scrap heap. En route she learns a few lessons about life, falls in and out of love and may, or may not, engage in at least one montage set to some catchy upbeat pop music.
Predictable? Yes. Strangely enjoyable despite the fact? You betcha.
Back in the days of Ancient Greece people often knew the story of the plays they were going to see. The crowds who flocked to Oedipus Rex weren’t surprised to hear yer man was his dad and his missus was his mam; the fun was in the journey.
As long as you don’t go expecting Broadcast News-style biting satire of modern media or a Noam Chomsky-inspired laser-point dissection of the constant struggle between news and entertainment values on the battlefield of daytime television and the general dumbing down of everything we see and hear, you won’t go away disappointed.
McAdams is excellent in the flick’s core – a dippy, sometimes goofy workaholic who manages to come across as reasonably believable despite coming from Planet Rom-com. Doing an excellent job as the gruff, mumbling and apparently constantly furious with his recently-found place in the world anchor Mike Pomeroy, Harrison Ford does a good job reminding us that he can sling a one-liner when necessary (Han Solo was the witty one in Star Wars, remember?) It’s a straight man role on a par with Tommy Lee Jones’ in Men In Black.
Diane Keaton, although slightly underused, also gets the best out of the moments she’s given.
About as sharp and edgy as sponge sphere, Morning Glory manages to be funny and entertaining and, yes, nice, without being sluchy, sweet or annoying.
And for that reason, if nothing else, it’s worth watching.