On the couch

Ever hear of a film called Fallen? No? It’s an absolutely fantastic demon vs cop movie from the ’90s starring Denzel Washington and John Goodman that was probably shown on as many cinema screens as Quentin Tarantino has introspective, humble moments in an average decade.
It was just one of those films. Everything was right about it but, for some reason, it bypassed massive acclaim and went straight to the VHS bargain bin where nerds and shift workers get to appreciate its brilliance and sneer at anyone that hasn’t heard of it.
That’s what Salt could have been like. But for Angelina Jolie being one of the most recognisable pillow-lipped sirens in the world and a surefire way to get a couple of million people to look at your film no matter what condiment it’s named after and the extra cash her name can add to a film’s budget, Philip Noyce’s spy flick could have been a really entertaining also ran that was good but never quite lived up its potential.
Thankfully though, Salt is every bit as over the top as it ought to be with the end result coming across like a cross between Mr and Mrs Smith and 80s suspicionfest, No Way Out (check it out Costner fans). Jolie stars as the eponymous Ms Salt, a CIA spook who gets accused of being a Russian sleeper agent 15 minutes before she’s due to knock off work and go home to celebrate her wedding anniversary.
Bummer, huh?
Due to the finger-pointer being an old and crusty-looking defector, the whole thing gets taken very seriously and Angie decides that escaping custody, shooting some co-workers and blowing bits of her office up are all good ways to look innocent and clear her name.
Yeah, the story makes that much sense.  Really though, about five minutes into the flick – possibly when Agent Salt starts playing a real life game of Frogger with trucks while a SWAT team shoots at her – you stop caring about coherence and just give yourself over to what amounts to a 90-minute chase scene with undertones of good ol’ fashioned Cold War paranoia. Salt tries to find and save her kidnapped husband and track down her accusers and the US government throws the kitchen sink at her in an effort to put her back in a cell.
Heading up the chasing department is counter-intelligence agent Mr Peabody (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who goes about his business with the easily dislikable evangelical zeal that made English actor’s performance as The Agent in Serenity good.
Weighing in on Salt’s side – in a limited capacity at least – is her partner, Ted Winter, played by Lieb Schreiber who, once again, comes across like an accountant with a human head in his fridge. God help the poor man, he’s a great actor but if ever there was a born bad guy it’s him. Schreiber could play Mother Teresa in the film of her life and still come across as vaguely sinister and untrustworthy.
Despite the fairly high-quality supporting cast, however, the film is all Jolie’s. It’s the sort of flick that lives and dies on the casting and performance of the central character and in the former Tomb Raider star they found a winner. (The role was originally supposed to be a vehicle for Tom Cruise to wow audiences. The Grin jumped ship to go and do Knight and Day with Cameron Diaz. No regrets, eh Tommy?)
Jolie is every bit the action star throughout, looking tough, capable and as unflappable as a heavily starched sheet in a light breeze as she kicks ass, blows stuff up and gets thrown around the place by a variety of henchmen, underlings and government operatives.
In case you’re wondering, or have seen the trailer, there’s a twist, it’s a good one and it precludes further discussion of the plot beyond the barest bones.
The story is solid and entertaining, if a little far-fetched. It could have worked with a cast of nobodies made on a shoe-string budget and still been a taut, exciting thriller. Instead, on a canvas of top drawer performers and action sequences straight out of the Wile E Coyote’s playbook the film becomes a thing of joy. Fleeting, unsatisfying and vaguely pointless joy. But still, we take our pleasures where we can, right?