On the couch

DVD REVIEW

The Losers ***
Directed by: Sylvain White
Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans, Idris Elba, Jason Patric

Cop Out *
Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Pollack, Adam Brody, Seann William Scott, Guillermo Diaz

THE Losers is an adaptation of a lesser-known comic book that is a curious mix of labour of love and barrel bottom-scraping.
Starring a reasonably impressive cast of Hollywood contenders like Jeffery Dean Morgan (Watchmen), Zoe Saldana (Star Trek) and Chris Evans (Fantastic Four and soon to be the star of Captain America) it’s basically the A-Team written and released long after the TV show but a good bit before the film.
For those of you unfamiliar with that particular story, here it is, enjoy it and a heartfelt welcome to planet Earth – a crack squad of soldiers get double crossed by shady higher ups and framed for a crime they didn’t commit. The crew in question goes on the run with revenge in their hearts and set about restoring their good name. Along the way, plots entagle, secrets are revealed and strangers get helped. There are explosions and excessive gunplay.
Given that this is pretty much the plot for over half the action films and TV shows made in the 80s, it’s fair to say that an excess of originality or Inception-style plot twisting is not what should be expected from The Losers. What it does provide, in more than ample quantities, is slightly better than average explody-shooty nonsense with a decent line in banter and vaguely cool moments.
In this case, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the leader of the renegade group that gets screwed over by Max (Jason Patric), a nasty piece of work with zero conscience and a grá for money. After wallowing in their misfortune in Bolivia for a while the team are offered an olive branch by the mysterious Aisha (Zoe Saldana) and they’re off to kidnap Max, clear their name and save the world from terrorism.
In many ways it’s like Angelina Jolie’s recent box office hit, Salt. Both films could easily have been made for a quarter of the money with a cast of actors best known for their supporting performances in Crimewatch, Home and Away and Whiskas ads.
Relegated to the bargain bin in the video store, the few people who actually watched it would be pleased by an above average yarn. Instead, a good cast and a dumptruck full of money were directed toward the product and, lo and behold, more than tolerable fare is produced.
It’s not face-meltingly bad and some bits are really cool – particularly Dean Morgan and Saldana’s hotel brawl and Chris Evans’ finger guns. Enjoyed in the right mood it might even be considered above average.
But don’t hold your breath for a sequel.
From one vaguely pleasant surprise to another crushing disappointment.
There’s a lot to like about director-actor Kevin Smith. He’s a funny guy, well known for his witty and engaging public speaking and for his series of films set in his Askewniverse – from Clerks to Clerks 2, by way of Mall Rats, Chasing Amy, Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
He’s also done a ton of rewriting for films, television shows and comic books and if it is for one thing he is renowned, other than his girth, it is for this. He’s a good writer.
Even his most ardent of fans will concede that as a director, however, his talents are functional at best and more cruel critics might further opine that his films are best enjoyed as radio plays.
So it was with some confusion that Smith was annouced as the director of Cop Out, a buddy cop flick that the big man from Redbank, NJ had nothing to do with until the script landed on his desk.
Bruce Willis stars with 30 Rock’s Tracy Morgan as a wacky odd couple cop duo who are about as funny as an infected hemorrhoid. Some ‘ilarious, clumsy Clouseauesque antics while trying to arrest a drug dealer land the two on suspension for a month, a problem for Willis who needs his monthly paycheck to pay for his daughter’s wedding.
He heads off to hock a valuable baseball card and get’s caught up in a ridiculous caper with a druglord, a missing girl and an annoying thief (Seann William Scott).
It’s a mess. A horrible, unfunny mess.
Willis does his usual, dependable action guy thing but Morgan is as intolerable here in a real role as he is in his role in 30 Rock – only he’s funny there because he’s supposed to be a massive, hysterical pain in the neck.
Don’t watch this flick. Do listen to Smith’s SMODcasts online though. They’re awfully funny.