On the couch

There are two important, some would say fundamental, ingredients to any horror-comedy – there’s gotta be giggles and there’s gotta be scares.
Jennifer’s Body manages to hit at least one of these marks but ultimately fails to amuse and terrify to any great extent with its tale of of a demonically possessed cheerleader devouring her way through the jock population of her rural highschool.
Based on a script by Juno scribe Diablo Cody, Jennifer’s Body was, on paper at least, a tantalising prospect, morseo by the attachment of starlet Megan Fox in the role of the teen succubus. And, if the film does one thing well, it is to find a proper outlet for the “talents” of the young Ms Fox.
Cast as Jennifer, a superficial, sexually aggressive, “hottest chick in school” type even before her run-in with Satan, Fox seems comfortable sending up her public persona.   Acting as foil to the titular Jen is Amanda Seyfried as nerdy BFF, Needy.
The two are a good fit for Cody’s particular brand of slang-riddled, smartass dialogue – one of the high points of Juno. Here, however, it seems as though alot of Cody’s meat has been stripped off the bone, leaving only flashes of a much better movie that was, for some reason, shyed away from by director Karyn Kusama.
The story opens with the pair almost losing their lives at a gig after a fire breaks out. Fancying her chances with the leader of the band of annoying emo warblers (played to hilarious deadpan effect by Adam Brody), Jennifer heads off in their tour bus to “party”, leaving Needy to look worried and then go home.
The band make an abortive attempt to sacrifice Jennifer to Satan to guarentee they’ll “be as successful as Maroon 5”, but it all goes pear-shaped and the metaphorical man-eater is transformed into a literal one.
After she starts chowing down on various members of the student body Needy works out what’s happened and tries to save or stop her mate.
Terror ensues. Or at least it should. But it doesn’t. And that’s where Jennifer’s Body falls down. While there are some funny lines and some funnier ideas littered throughout, there’s never a moment when the edge of your seat will get a warming.
Which is a damn shame because had free reign been given to the film’s potential for creepiness, there was a chance that it could have been lifted to the heights of the first Scream movie. Scary, huh?
It’s a wonder that Jeremy Piven isn’t more succesful. How come he isn’t a superstar? After his critically acclaimed turn as Ari Gold in tv series Entourage, the world should be at his feet.
But then he goes and does something like this. The Goods. A film so empty, so pointless, so devoid of anything, anything, anything at all that could be called “good” as to be in breach of any number of national, international and possibly even intergalactic advertising laws.
Piven stars (ahem) as Don Ready, a freelance car salesman extraordinaire who, along with his merry band of similarly talented salespeople, criss-cross America helping out troubled dealerships and used car franchises sell their bangers and keep their heads above financial water.
A stop-off in one of the less salubrious parts of California sees the team attempt to save the family business of Ben Selleck (James Brolin) over a July 4th weekend. Can the team do it?
Madcap (in the worst sense of the word, although, to be honest, is there a good one?) antics involving a contrary DJ, strippers, a case of mistaken parentage, true love and Will Ferrell plummeting to his death ensue, not a single one of them deserving so much as a smirk.
The Goods plunders ideas and set-ups for gags from a host of recent, far superior, flicks, Dodgeball and Anchorman being the primary targets. But while those two had charm, a plot and something worth laughing at, The Goods resorts to Asian jokes and James Brolin making creepy passes at the guy who played Champ Kind in Anchorman. It’s all just tiresome.
Piven himself, while utterly inoffensive in the lead role, is clearly unwilling to accept the fact that he’s not Vince Vaughan. He’s not tall enough and apparently not talented ehough to pull off the charming everyman with an answer for everything schtick that Vaughan switches on and off seemingly at will.
Avoid, avoid, avoid this tiresome, mess.