On the couch

DVD REVIEW

Red Lights ****
Directed by: Rodrigo Cortés
Starring: Cillian Murphy, Sigourney Weaver, Robert De Niro, Elizabeth Olsen

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter **
Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov
Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell

Ending three minutes earlier could have saved Red Lights. Ten lines of dialogue less and things could have been so, so different.
Unfortunately – as the film itself espouses – we must deal with what is, not what we’d like to be and, unfortunately, a perfectly serviceable thriller with a high class cast is ruined by one of the most offensive, pointless twists committed to camera since RTÉ filmed that tragic yoga accident in the pretzel factory.
Cillian Murphy and Sigourney Weaver star as ghostbusting academics Tom Buckley and Margaret Matheson. Rather than proton packs, however, the pair use their academic backgrounds – physics and psychology respectively – combined with a working knowledge of stage magicians tricks and a hefty dose of scepticism to debunk so-called haunted houses, psychics and faith healers.
Despite their rival department which specialises in parapsychology – ghosts, telepathy and claptrap – gobbling up all the funding money, everything seems to be going okay for the pair until famed blind stage psychic Simon Silver (Robert de Niro) returns after a prolonged career absence.
A thorn in Matheson’s side from years before, matters take a creepy turn when things start going bump in the night when Buckley tries to investigate the showman.
It’s all fairly interesting stuff. The tension between the sceptics trying to prove Silver is a fraud plays well against the scientists hoping to find definitive proof of the paranormal and the showman playing his cards close to his chest like a satanic Derren Brown.
While the thrills aren’t that thrilling nor the chills that chilling there’s enough meat in the performances of Weaver, Murphy, de Niro and Toby Jones as Matheson’s academic rival to make matters memorable.
Side stories about why Buckley is so dedicated to debunking, Matheson’s son in a coma and whether Silver believes his hype or is being managed by his handler Monica (Joely Richardson), all interweave neatly with the main plot to make for an interesting, rather than scary, flick.
That is until the end. Which not only drops the ball but stabs it, bursts it, burns it and scatters the ashes in a high wind.
Even the best psychic wouldn’t see it coming.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was never going to be great. Great craic maybe, but going into it expecting The Godfather, or even Gladiator, was just plain foolish.
All the signs were there for it to be a schlocky good time though. Directed by Timur Bekmambetov, the mad genius behind the visual, visceral feast of Nightwatch, Daywatch and Wanted, it also has a killer hook – what if Honest Abe had a sideline in slaying troublesome bloodsuckers?
For all its promise of high quality nonsense and fang-smashing axe-tion, AL:VH fails miserably to live up to its potential to entertain.
The story opens in Lincoln’s childhood and the death of his mother at the hands (teeth) of local bully/slave trader/vampire, Jack Barts. Fast forward to the post-pubescent Abe (Benjamin Walker), now an orphan, drinking heavily and planning on murdering his mom’s killer.
After screwing up the attempt he’s saved from his own ignorance by the mysterious Sturgess (Dominic Cooper) who takes him on as an apprentice vampire hunter, training him only on condition that he doesn’t seek revenge against Barts and lives a solitary, friendless life.
Given he grows up to be one of America’s greatest presidents and the man who freed the slaves, he obviously doesn’t pay heed to all the rules but initially the dithering law student/shopkeeper-by-day axe-wielding ass-kicker-by-night seems to be growing quite well into his role as a do-gooder.
The film, too, seems to be fairly decent at this point. A vampire hierarchy is revealed and linked into the pro-slavery movement.With Adam (Rufus Sewell) as its leader there’s the potential for a grand auld arc of revenge for Abe to follow before packing up the axe and heading off into politics.
Unfortunately the scriptwriters got a little above themselves and AL:VH goes very dark, serious and political in a very short amount of time. All of a sudden the gleeful undead-dispatching is replaced by about 40 minutes of low-grade political drama and revisionist history about the American War.
Plot threads are abandoned, characters forgotten (including Alan Tudyk – who the hell puts Alan Tudyk in a film and then ignores him!?) before the final 20 minutes of  bracing and occasionally brilliant action on a train.
While Benjamin Walker can probably look forward to a career playing the young Liam Neeson, very few of the performers distinguish themselves to any great extent. The film’s most interesting relationship – between Abe and his missus, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) – is a step above the usual meet-cute, live happily ever after type you’d expect from a dumbass action flick but it is given little screen time, even when the film stops in the middle to take a breather and allow the audience to check their tax returns, finish their novel or cook a pot roast.
For few moments Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter redeems itself from being one of the most hopelessly disappointing films in a long time. Sadly those same flashes of genius only serve to remind you of what a fun fillet of nonsense it could have been.