On the couch

Dark Shadows
***
Directed by: Tim Burton
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloë Grace Moretz
They’re creepy and they’re kooky. Mysterious and spooky. They’re all together ooky, The Collins family.
Wait, what?

Dark Shadows, Tim Burton’s adaptation of the supernatural soap opera from the late ’60s, isn’t quite an adult version of some of the more memorable monster families of TV history, but it sure tries hard to be.
Johnny Depp stars as Barnabas Collins, son of the richest family in Collinsport – so rich they named the place. he is cursed by a family servant, Angelique (Eva Green), after their illicit triste goes bad – she wants to get married and he realises he loves Josette (Bella Heathecote), a far less psychotic young lady – Barnabas sees his beloved kill herself before being turned into a vampire, hunted by his fellow townsmen and locked in a coffin and buried.
A long 200-year snooze later and the befanged Mr Collins is disinterred accidentally by some builders in 1972 and, after chowing down on their vital fluids, he returns to the bosom of his family in the palatial but somewhat run-down Collinswood.
The homecoming is an understandably suspicion-laden affair as the Collins clan, now presided over by matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), are in serious decline.
The revelation of a secret cache of riches later, however, and things are starting to look good for the Collinses, much to the chagrin of the town’s top dog, Ms Bouchard – a familiar face for Barnabas as she’s the very same witch that cursed him in the first place.
So all out supernatural war breaks out with Angelique wanting a return to connubial bliss with Barnabas, and the fangy one wanting nothing to do with the town witch, especially as it seems the Collins family’s recently employed live-in teacher, Victoria, may be the reincarnation of his long-dead love, Josette.
Tonally, Dark Shadows has a precarious line to tread. Too cartoonish and the tone slips into a poor Scooby Doo knock-off. Too grim and it loses whatever vestiges of Addams Family  charm both the quirkiness of the characters and the ’70s setting garner.
Unfortunately knowing the path and following the path are two very different things and Burton’s pet project tends to veer wildly between the silly and macabre, never quite deciding if it’s a slightly spooky drama with funny bits in it or a slightly spooky comedy with a smattering of drama.
Depp is in fine form in his role as a gentlema.. fish-out… gentlefish-out-of-water. All courtly manners and bemusement at the world he’s woken up to, his avuncular charm is seasoned with occasional moments of violence, as we’re reminded that he’s actually a vampire, a little bit crazy and not too bothered by the prospect of murdering folk if they get in his way.
Also victim to the film’s lack of focus is the story which seems to be too beholden to its soap opera roots and tries to jam too many plotlines into too little space.
Helena Bonham Carter appears as Dr Hoffman, the Collins’ live-in shrink, tasked with helping young David whose mother died tragically. His father, Roger (Jonny Lee Miller), Elizabeth’s philandering swine of a brother, is no help at all considering his son claims to still talk to his mom’s ghost.
The good doctor is also obsessed with maintaining her youth and seems a little too eager to help Barnabas cure himself of vampirism. Chloe Moretz also appears as a bratty teen proto-hippy and Jackie Earle Haley flits in and out as the beguiled handyman Willie Loomis.
On top of all this is the burgeoning relaitonship between Barnabas and Victoria/Josette. Of all the extraneous plot threads, the  love story is the one that could most easily have been excised without any loss to the film. While she  serves as a medium for the audience to enter the world of Collinsport and Collinswood and then as a love interest – Victoria’s just not necessary.
The real sparks fly when Angelique threatens Barnabas’ true love – his family. And this is really the only love triangle Dark shadows needed. Depp and Green play well off each other matched, as they are, in cartoonish good looks and an indefinable peculiarity of nature.
Young Bella Heathcote – despite a thoroughly entertaining turn – just doesn’t stand a chance when pitted against the other two, especially as the script seems to forget about her for large chunks of the story.
Despite being more of a “Tim Burton” film than some of the director’s recent films, Dark Shadows is, for all its occasional macarbe charm, a bit of a mess. There’s plenty of moments to keep you amused and even creeped out but it will, inevitably, leave audiences slightly disappointed.