Doing the job

Junior highly commended

Mary Murphy
Seamount College, Kinvara

THE shop was busy. The rustle of clothes, beeps of cash registers and low hum of conversation filled your ears as soon as you entered.
This sounds like an appealing description but just to let you know, the conversation came from the mouths of Neanderthals seized by a fit of temporary (or otherwise) consumer mania. How long could I wait until uttering the hated words ‘next please’ initiating the serving of the next excuse for human life? I wondered if I said that aloud. Even if I had, my face held the look of indifferent superiority, as I felt. I felt indifferent, because a life time of witty and worthy comments had taught me that the lower people would take offence. (I presume I do not need to explain why I felt superior).
By now, the craning heads of the insatiable vultures’ hording from our sale racks, looking at my free stall, told me I had waited too long, so: “Next please,” …another day another annoying customer.
“Hello, sorry, I bought this last week and it’s too small, I was wondering, can I change it?”
“You may …receipt?”
“Of course … here! “
“Oh, the stupidity! Is she blind? Or merely ignorant?” I thought to myself, deciding the latter.
“Cough, cough… do you think I can accept this? You seem to have failed to see the numerous smudging of letters and figures on the receipt. I do not think this is a valid receipt.”
“…are you serious? Can’t …Can’t you just trust me?”
It was at this moment of utter stupidity that I actually took in my customer. She was in her early 30s, had tight skin and ebony hair tied severely back in a knot. She had glasses and a needy twinge to her voice, like she was just doing this to be noticed. I decided that I hated her. “Why am I even here? I need intellectuals… I should be curing cancer or something, “ I thought.
“Well, I am afraid I cannot offer you any services without it,” I said.
It was at this moment my stopwatch went off, letting me know that I was free to leave my shameful stall and better than that, leave this excruciatingly irritating woman.
“My lunch break,” I said, indicating my beeper. “Go bother someone else,” and I left.
“What is with these people? Do they think I care? Do they know I work here for money? I don’t care…”
But what was this? That pitiful woman was following me. Why?
I spun on my heel looking annoyed. And handsome. But mostly annoyed. “Please? I mean, you can tell it’s from this shop!”
“Yes, but you can’t tell what date it is, and you’re only able to return goods within 90 days, how do I know you bought it in the last 90 days?” God, I can’t believe she’s still here… leave you fool. Leave!
“Seriously? But… I got it yesterday …you sold it to me!”
“I tend not to remember people like …you,” I spat out the last word, hoping to add effect.
“Wh-couldn’t you just you know …do me a favour?” she asked.
“Everybody knows that you cannot return clothes with an invalid receipt. Everybody. Even children – look.”
I scanned the shop until I saw a child with a decapitated lollipop, looking around wailing and calling for his mother. I found this surprising as his arm was being held (and quite roughly I must say. Not complaining though, discipline is the key), by who, I presumed, was his father. They were about half a metre away and I approached them, weary of the clambering hands’ reaching for the next half priced deal.
“Excuse me sir, would you mind giving me the child?” I was about to explain why of course but the man seemed to think this rather odd offer was the only necessary item of information. He must have recognised my authority. I must say, I’m starting to like him.
“I..I.. made a mistake, I thought he was someone else, I… I’m sorry …em…look over there!” and with that he ran off.
“How strange… they get denser by the second… “ I thought to myself. “Oh well, his stupidity should not worry me”
“Come child,” I said. Once we were in punishing distance of the customer, I asked the child a question. A simple question: “did you know that a receipt with distorted marks isn’t adequate?” (I tried to make it simpler for him but my intellect forces me to use a higher vocabulary. The troubles of an intelligent man…)
“N…. no..?” he asked, quivering.
“You don’t? You should be ashamed!”
“Can I go to my mommy?” he asked, nearly crying.
“Aren’t you with your daddy?” asked the annoying customer.
“That’s not my daddy. That’s a stranger. Stranger danger!” he says, proud for knowing this sentence, consisting only of an inescapable grammar mistake. The woman was about to say something but as I wanted to hear her voice as little as possible, I, to quote the scum of the earth “butted in”.
“You may go to…your “mommy”,” I said.
The child ran over to a woman of equal unintelligence of..well, everyone. She picked him up, and kissed him on the cheek. She looked over at me, smiling, waving and inaudibly mouthing appreciation. I looked away, confused.
“Excuse me…sorry …I hope I’m not interrupting…it’s just …the boss …he wants you… I’m sorry!”
They can’t even talk to me! I wonder what this is about. Not that customer, surely I mean, I was just following the rules! But that woman does seem the type to complain… and it wouldn’t be the first complaining customer… he said it was the last straw last time… well, even if I do get fired, it doesn’t matter. Its opening me up to a real life among the greats…I am better than this dump! And with that and my good looks in mind, I went to the office. He was sitting at his desk counting his money. (Not really, though, but that sounds good).
“Ah, yes I meant to talk to you…please sit down.” I sat down.
“It’s great to have someone who holds their head high.” I held my head high.
“Someone who doesn’t run away when danger comes.” I didn’t run away.
I know he is incapable of talking properly but I don’t see this being about me being fired…oh well, I don’t know what goes in these imbeciles’ minds.
“What I am trying to say is that… we had a customer in to to talk about you.
Uh oh.
“I suppose you know the one I mean.”
Too right.
“She said that you…well, saved her child from a kidnapper. She tried to thank you herself but she doesn’t think you saw her”.
So that’s what was happening with that child. Being kidnapped! I unconsciously saved her. I knew I was destined for greatness. This hero thing was obviously it. I shall quit, and follow my destiny, saving these morons from their mistakes, making big money and a big name. I don’t need this shop, this boss.
“I know we have had a… strenuous relationship.”  Too right.
“But I..we need to put that behind us.”
Don’t see why we do.
“I am offering you a raise, if you stay here.. .good publicity for the shop, you know? Don’t want our star leaving us, you know?”
“Oh that’s great, of course, I am so pleased, thanks for the opportunity. I don’t know what to say. I have to say I’m embarrassed she came here. I was just doing the job, you know!”