Cyber bullying reflects ‘real world’

CLINICAL psychologist David Coleman, who will give a talk at Glór, Ennis on Thursday, November 22, has told The Clare Champion that cyber bullying often reflects what he terms ‘real world’ bullying, whether that be at school or elsewhere.

“The key usually to understanding cyber bullying is that most cyber bullying actually has some kind of real world bullying going on as well. So the issues that arise in terms of teasing and taunting online follow some kind of interaction in the real world,” he explained.

“So in that sense, the nature of cyber bullying is no different. It’s either two youngsters having a row, very publicly online or it’s one person having a go at trying to make another person feel really bad. What is different though about cyber bullying is the public nature of it and the fact that when youngsters are online and they’re at a slight remove sitting in front of a screen, it’s like they feel that they have greater liberty to be meaner and say more hurtful things,” Mr Coleman reflected.

While online bullying sometimes reflects what is happening to the recipient in everyday life, he says it can be more sinister in some instances.

“We’ve a lot to do about educating youngsters about how they use the internet. I think sometimes, as parents and adults, we forget that we do still have something to offer even though we’re also trying to get to grips with the technology. Our teenagers are not likely to be that much further ahead so we still have some wisdom that we can bring to bear in terms of how to use even all the new technology,” he feels.

Growing up in 2012 presents complex challenges. “In some ways, parents are right to be at least conscious of the fact that things are probably different in terms of the whole culture that exists in our country. If you think of the culture that a lot us, who are in our 40s and 50s now, grew up in, the culture was very much dominated by the Catholic church. In some ways, there was a lot of homogeneity and a lot of agreement about the core values that we should all share. But at the same time, in terms of access to information, it was still quite limited. While TV was there, most people only had RTÉ1 and RTÉ2,” he reflected.

“Now, youngsters have access to information from around the world at the drop of a hat, right at their fingertips. So they get influences from far wider than we ever did, which means they end up thinking differently. What they may have picked up as values from their parents, they probably question it more and feel that it’s more challenged by some of the different kinds of values that they are going to pick up online or from magazines,” he suggests, adding that parents must do their utmost to remain relevant in their children’s lives.

Mr Coleman believes challenging conversations between parents and children should be encouraged.

“It really forces us to think about ‘why do I believe what I believe?’ That’s not a bad discussion to have with a teenager. Teenagers really quite like to have those semi-existential discussions as to why it is wrong to do certain things. Where is the moral right and the moral wrong? Teenagers quite like to engage with that and I think that still gives parents a valuable role. “Everybody now has mobile phones at age 10 and therefore we have to give our child a mobile phone. That’s not the case. If we still believe strongly in certain things, then we have an onus to say ‘no, I don’t believe in that and here are my reasons for it. When you are older, absolutely let us deal with it further but for now the rules are the rules’,” he said.

He stresses parents shouldn’t shy away from enforcing rules. “I think it’s fine for parents to have rules and I think if you stop having rules, then we leave youngsters adrift and that’s not a healthy place to be. We still have to give them, if nothing else, something to push against,” he suggested.

Next Thursday’s talk, entitled Creating a Thriving Family, will start at 8pm. All proceeds will be donated to the Labasheeda Adventure Playground. Ticket information from Glór.