Between rock and a hard place

Rock of Ages
DIRECTED BY: Adam Shankman
STARRING: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Julianne Hough, Catherine Zeta Jones
CERT: 12A

The continued appeal of the musical as a piece of cinema never ceases to baffle me. There’s a time and a place for this kind of thing and the further away that place is from the multiplex, the better. Yet every now and then some jolly sort decides it would be great sport to haul one of these monstrosities from the Broadway stage and throw it up on the big screen, like he’s doing us all a big favour.

 

The last one I recall (and, as my therapist will tell you, the recall is total and never less than terrifying) is Mamma Mia!, a heinous crime against humanity for which no one has yet been brought to justice. On Broadway, meanwhile, Rock Of Ages became known among musical fans as “Mamma Mia! for metalheads”.

So you will perhaps understand that I approached this big screen adaptation with a large dose of dread, wearing a brand new pair of runners in the expectation of a sudden need to flee at high speed, possibly as early as the opening credits.

As it turned out, Rock of Ages wasn’t quite the horror show I feared. It wasn’t a great big bundle of fun either but still, small steps.

All said, it’s still a musical and that’s just wrong. The fact that it’s a musical featuring some very fine 1980s rock anthems should probably ease the pain somewhat but it only makes it worse. On a positive note, not even the direst rendition of these tunes comes close the merciless butchering that the great songs of Abba suffered at the hands of Meryl Streep and, God help us all, Pierce Brosnan. For that, director Adam Shankman (who also brought Hairspray to the screen) deserves some credit.

It’s 1987 and an Oklahoma girl named Sherrie (Hough) has come to LA to live the dream. Hollywood’s Sunset Strip is where it’s at, the place where she and her city boy lover Drew (Diego Boneta) plan to hit the big time with their music.

The Bourbon Room is the strip’s hottest club, owned by Dennis Dupree (Baldwin) and run by his right hand man and sound wizard, Lonny (Brand). Naturally the club is in a spot of bother and a big gig is your only man for the job.

As bands go, the don’t come any bigger than Arsenal (named after the Gunners, or because they’re modeled on Guns ‘n’ Roses?) and their infamous frontman Stacee Jaxx (Cruise).

Shifty band manager Paul Gill (Paul Giamatti) has his own plans for the big payday, however, and in the meantime, mayor’s wife Patricia Whitmore (Zeta Jones) ploughs ahead with her mission to shut down the Bourbon and clean up the strip.

Rock of Ages is at its most watchable when Baldwin and Brand are on screen and when the great Paul Giamatti is doing that great thing he does, valiantly trying to save all around him one more time.

Tom Cruise gives his debauched rocker everything in the tank and he does a fine job, though his character ends up wearing a bit on the nerves. Young Hough and Boneta give it plenty of spirit as the young dreamers but they’re not missed much when they’re not around. Certainly it is possible to get by for long stretches of time without their “music”.

There are tunes here from the likes of Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Twisted Sister, Poison and Foreigner – and there are a couple of scenes where the songs are belted out with admirable gusto. Mostly, though, there is the feeling that rock ‘n’ roll is being fed through a sanitiser and ground down as baby food for the talent show rockers of the Glee generation.
It’s the same queasy feeling I got while watching one of this year’s American Idol contestants perform Fortunate Son by Credence, dancing and grinning her way cluelessly through one of the angriest songs in history.

But hey, this is a musical and it’s all about having fun! If you insist.

Jaws
DIRECTED BY: Steven Spielberg
STARRING: Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw
CERT: 12A

The movie that gave birth to the summer blockbuster and my favourite film since it scared the bejaysus out of me as a child, Spielberg’s classic is back in the cinema after a fine digital remastering that, blessedly, does not include a 3D makeover.

When a shark takes up residence in the waters around Amity island and starts feeding on the swimmers, police chief Brody (Scheider) teams up with oceanographic expert Hooper (Dreyfuss) and grizzled old sea dog, Quint (Shaw), to hunt down the hungry great white.

Spielberg was only in his mid-20s when he pulled this off, a masterclass in suspense packed with any number of scenes that could make it on to a list of the greatest. The Indianapolis scene is the one most frequently cited and it’s hard to argue with that. The quality of the writing, acting and directing never falters and underlying it all is that iconic John Williams score that still has the power to induce the willies.

You could debate at length whether Spielberg himself has ever topped this but few others will make a better film.