A frank account of a real male battle

WHILE Late Late Show presenter Ryan Tubridy may still divide opinion, one of his early interviews won him uncontested plaudits. When he spoke to Michael Murphy about the impact of cancer on the RTÉ newsreader and psychoanalyst, the discussion was honest and frank, making for riveting TV.

He was promoting his book At five in the afternoon: My battle with male cancer and the discussion took in taboo subjects like his abusive childhood, having to wear nappies in middle age and the reality of erectile dysfunction.
Coming to Clare this week, Murphy will be signing copies of his book at the Ennis Bookshop on Saturday at 4pm.
When he first heard that he had prostate cancer, he was really shaken. “When I initially heard it, I went into shock because you can’t take in something so big. When I grew up in Castlebar, no-one mentioned the word cancer, it was just the big C. It shows you the power of words.”
Getting the diagnosis was the same as being told he was facing imminent and inescapable death, he says. “That’s what I heard. I just thought that it was over, that it was only a matter of time, maybe three or six months.”
Of course, that wasn’t the case. “It was only when I came out the other side that I realised medicine was so advanced and it’s not a death sentence.”
At the moment, he’s in pretty good health and he says that when he looks at the book now, it’s like looking at someone else’s reflections.
In the book, he says that the lowest emotional point came after a careless remark by a young man who visited him in hospital.
“A student was kind enough to visit me in hospital and he was rabbiting on about going skiing and surfing and suddenly he said to me ‘cover yourself up’. What had happened was the hospital smock had moved and it showed the tubes and I found that absolutely humiliating. He was uncomfortable and it was a slap in the face
“The young are so full of joy and they don’t have an empathy that older people would have. Most people were very kind and warm despite that unthinking reaction. Everybody was extremely supportive and kind and I think anyone who has been touched by cancer would have that experience.”
He’s absolutely unflinching in his frankness about the impact of the cancer on his life and has spoken candidly about the impotence that it has caused. The subject is too rarely discussed, he feels. “It’s very extreme, it’s at the heart of what it means to be a man. Kids are thought to fetishise the penis and everything to do with that is taboo. Men will talk about football and cars and women but that would just not be discussed. Erectile dysfunciton is something that men won’t talk about because it makes them feel like a lesser man if they can’t function. It’s something that I had to deal with but if it’s a choice between that and being above ground things are simplified.”
Male silence on health and personal matters in general can prove lethal. In her foreword to the book, former President Mary Robinson points out that male cancer doesn’t have the same profile as female cancer.
She also claims that the effects of the disease, such as incontinence and impotence, can be compounded by silence, while Michael says that one of his hopes is that the book will make communication easier.
“My appearance on the Late Late Show and the book and things like this interview should help get information to people so they won’t be as isolated and they’ll be able to talk about their worries. Every year, there are advances in cancer care and it doesn’t have to be a death sentence as it was when I was a child.”
An interview with RTÉ presenter Derek Mooney, which is described in the book, convinced Michael that his story would have echoes for many people. “He asked me the question ‘Is there any lead in your pencil?’ and I knew that people would want to hear the truth. I told the truth and suddenly my story opened up and I knew that it would have relevance for other people.”
While he has had to deal with incontinence and impotence, he says his attitude to life has changed for the better since the cancer.
“After you come out, your life is changed forever. Every day is a blessing. You enjoy things a lot more. You don’t worry about tax, or bills or something someone might have said to you. Things are all the sweeter afterwards.”
The Irish Cancer Society’s helpline can be contacted on 1800 200 700.