Disappointing return for Cross

FILM REVIEW

Alex Cross
DIRECTED BY: Rob Cohen
STARRING: Tyler Perry, Matthew Fox, Ed Burns, John C McGinley
CERT: 15A

ALEX Cross is the hero of a series of James Patterson novels, a character previously portrayed on screen by Morgan Freeman in Kiss The Girls (1997) and Along Came a Spider (2001). Not the most memorable movies ever made but Freeman’s shoes aren’t easy to fill, a big task for the new man, Tyler Perry.

 

Perry is already a household name across the water, as writer, director and cross-dressing star of the Madea movies, where Perry does a grandma variation of Martin Lawrence’s Big Momma. For reasons I haven’t been able to fathom, it’s hugely popular stuff. But clearly Perry feels it’s time to do something a bit darker and play a male role while he’s at it.

Cross is a homicide detective and forensic psychologist rolled into one, a man who can walk on to any crime scene and tell you not only what the killer was thinking but what the suspect’s grandmother had for breakfast on her birthday in 1974.
He is something of a gumshoe superhero and like all superheroes, he has a painful origins story – though it isn’t half as painful for him as it is for the audience.

Cross is on the trail of a sadistic killer who tortures and mutilates his victims and has made the mistake of striking close to the detective’s heart.
The police nickname the killer Picasso, on account of the charcoal drawings he leaves at the scene of his crimes. A multi-talented fellow, he also moonlights as a cage fighter known as The Sligo Butcher, a fearsome piece of work with muscles in all sorts of unnatural places. He is played by Matthew Fox, who looks just a tad leaner and meaner then he did on Lost.

Sadly, as a villain, he is merely a walking movie cliché, as poorly written and developed as everything else around him. As Cross, Perry is a striking presence and proves to be a decent actor but the often unintentionally funny dialogue he has to speak here won’t help his cause and will not be remembered fondly by his co-stars, including Ed Burns as his partner, John C McGinley as the police chief and Jean Reno as a French billionaire. Then again, when was the last time Jean Reno had fond memories of any of his movie roles?

This is dreadful stuff, the kind of thing that’s almost so bad it’s good. Then you think about it for another second and realise that, no, it’s just all bad. It’s directed by Rob Cohen, the man who gave us The Fast and the Furious and xXx, a pair of Vin Diesel action flicks that at least had the decency to be fun.

Alex Cross could be fun too, I suppose, if you fancy the notion of paying for a nice long nap.

Ride of the Guardians
DIRECTED BY: Peter Ramsey
VOICES: Chris Pine, Alec Baldwin, Isla Fisher, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law
CERT: G

RISE of the Guardians gathers together the beloved figures of children’s folklore to do battle with every kid’s nightmare. It’s The Avengers of childhood mythology, featuring the likes of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy – though their names have been changed, perhaps to protect their true identities.

So Santa is called North (Baldwin), our rabbit friend goes by the name E Aster Bunny (Jackman) and the fair lady is known simply as Tooth (Fisher). Ingenious, I know.

Their foe, the Boogey Man, goes by the new name Pitch (Law), which doesn’t sound remotely scary, though he does look the part. He’s also intent on turning children’s dreams into nightmares and stealing the power of their innocent belief for himself.

Obviously this can’t be tolerated, so the crew enlists the help of Jack Frost (Pine). Jack is having a bit of a personal crisis. He loves his job “covering the world in snow and making kids happy”, not least because they can’t go to school on account of the roads and all the burst pipes.
But the problem is, kids just don’t believe he exists. They walk right through him, as if he isn’t there, leaving him depressed and feeling left out. At least until he’s called upon to save the day.

The movie is based on the book series, The Guardians of Childhood, by William Joyce. It’s a fine-looking animated tale, whose best features are the small details – like Santa’s elves, the Tooth Fairy’s brilliantly created Helpers and a visit to the Bunny’s homeland, where the Easter Island statues get a nice inventive nod. The Sandman, too, is a loveable presence throughout.

The voice cast is in good form and Jude Law, in particular, stands out as a fine cartoon villain.
It all gets a bit too frantic for my taste, like most animated films tend to do, as if perhaps the suits are afraid the kids will not be entertained unless the film is moving at a gazillion miles an hour and every character is shouting, often all at the same time.

Maybe they’re right but I have my doubts. Although the youngsters will surely love this anyway.